Dulce, New Mexico (August 9, 2014) - Chief Cochise, leader
of the Native American Apache tribe held a morning press conference yesterday
denouncing the use of the name “Apache” to represent an absurd relay race
involving campers across the land stolen from his ancestors. Cochise, who spoke in his native South Athabaskan
language, was translated by local anthropologist, Len Harris.
The Apache relay has been a staple of sleep away camp Color
Wars for decades. The race is made up
of dozens of different stations or activities which a team must complete before
passing the baton or other symbolic token to the next person in the relay. Some examples of Apache Relay activities
include making two basketball shots in a row, putting one’s forehead on a
baseball bat and spinning around one hundred times then attempting to run fifty
feet, wrapping a fellow camper in toilet paper, and a three-legged backwards walk.
Through
his interpreter, Chief Cochise strongly commented, “We are a proud group of
people, warriors, in fact, that deserve to be regarded in a much higher
esteem. For centuries, my people have
lived off this great land and provided a life for generations through hard work
and a lasting heritage. Never has my
tribe had a race where a girl passes an apple to another girl using only our
mouths. Furthermore, I cannot repeat
this enough, we have never, I mean, never, had one of our male tribe members
dress up like a woman and run three laps around a track wearing high heels and
a bra stuffed with water balloons!”
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