Apache Nation Offended by Ridiculous Relay Race Bearing Name

Dulce, New Mexico (August 9, 2014) - Chief Cochise, leader of the Native American Apache tribe held a morning press conference yesterday denouncing the use of the name “Apache” to represent an absurd relay race involving campers across the land stolen from his ancestors.  Cochise, who spoke in his native South Athabaskan language, was translated by local anthropologist, Len Harris. 

The Apache relay has been a staple of sleep away camp Color Wars for decades.  The race is made up of dozens of different stations or activities which a team must complete before passing the baton or other symbolic token to the next person in the relay.  Some examples of Apache Relay activities include making two basketball shots in a row, putting one’s forehead on a baseball bat and spinning around one hundred times then attempting to run fifty feet, wrapping a fellow camper in toilet paper, and a three-legged backwards walk.   

Through his interpreter, Chief Cochise strongly commented, “We are a proud group of people, warriors, in fact, that deserve to be regarded in a much higher esteem.  For centuries, my people have lived off this great land and provided a life for generations through hard work and a lasting heritage.  Never has my tribe had a race where a girl passes an apple to another girl using only our mouths.  Furthermore, I cannot repeat this enough, we have never, I mean, never, had one of our male tribe members dress up like a woman and run three laps around a track wearing high heels and a bra stuffed with water balloons!”