Girl with Webbed Feet Sweeps Swim Meet

Lake Huron, Pa (July 14, 2014) – The Camp Pine Woods 14^th Annual Invitational Swim Meet was dominated by first year camper, Camp Huron Lake junior girl, Lexi Hoffman, 9, who won every event in the day long meet.  Hoffman, an avid swimmer from Syosset, NY, was born with syndactyly, more commonly known as “webbed feet”, on both feet.  This condition has allowed her to excel in the pool from the first time she swam.

The meet, which included ten different camps, had never been won by Huron Lake.  In fact, the camp and owner/director Marty Feldstein were a laughingstock among the other camps.  But that all changed when a plucky newcomer from Long Island with syndactyly blew away the competition in all all events.   Hoffman singlehandedly won the meet leaving nearly every existing meet record in her wake as she dominated in every stroke and every distance.  Hoffman was a one-girl wrecking ball.  

Lexi had never really given much thought in the past to her webbed feet especially during the school year when wearing sneakers and shoes are the norm.  But in her first summer away she struggled at the thought of exposing her webbed toes to her new friends all of whom brought a minimum of three different pairs of designer flip flops while she could only wear open-toed slides.  But from the second she walked into Bunk 12, she felt like she was home.  “Hey look, Lexi,” exclaimed 2^nd year camper and bunkmate Alisa Buchsbaum of Dix Hills, “I have a third nipple!”  “Lexi, Lexi look at me! Look at me!  I have a scar on my ear from when I was straightening my hair for my 1^st grade class pictures,” added Elena Rothbard of Millburn. “We’re all freaks!!!”

A calm van ride over to Camp Pine Woods followed by a peaceful walk across the camp to the pool turned nasty rather quickly as Hoffman and her pals heard some spirited chanting from the Camp Aztec girls.  “We’ve got webbed feet, we’ll sweep the swim meet! We’ve got webbed feet, we’ll sweep the swim meet!”  Incensed and overly protective of their new friend, the Huron Lake girls assumed the girls were poking fun at their duck-footed friend and approached the Aztec campers but were called off by Hoffman.  Steely-eyed and confident, Hoffman simply told her friends through clenched teeth, “We’ll settle it in the pool, motherfuckers.”

After taking the 100 meter freestyle, Hoffman followed with wins in the 50 meter backstroke, the 200 meter butterfly and the 100 meter individual medley.  As her friends prepared for the relays, Hoffman waved them off.  “It’s milk call.  Go over and get some sprinkle cookies and whole milk for me while I teach these bitches a lesson by myself,” the angry web-footed superstar remarked.

After a hero’s welcome upon her return to Huron Lake that evening, Hoffman was given a pedicure by her grossed out bunkmates.