Camps Urge Campers to Keep Gaga a Secret

“Can’t us Jews be good at something?” laments one director

Huron, Pa (Aug 7) – For each of the past seven summers, Camp Huron Lake (CHL) has seen a dramatic rise in enrollment since introducing popular Israeli sport sensation Gaga.  Played in a fifteen foot wide octagon, Gaga has established itself as the most popular “sport” in nearly every Jewish camp from the Poconos to the Berkshires.  

Several key factors point to the popularity of Gaga among Jewish campers.  Catching the ball really isn’t necessary to become a great player.  Semetic boys and girls typically have a difficult time with gross motor skills (catching, throwing, running, etc.) while their fine motor skills (typing, video game playing, yarmulke crocheting, etc.) often exceed that of their gentile peers.  Another aspect that appeals to the campers is that the soft, spongy ball is not thrown at others but slapped instead.  “Catching and throwing makes my arms tired.  Slapping is so much easier on my arthritic fingers, oy!” explained 9 year-old Jon Shapiro of Livingston, NJ while clutching his ailing back, as well.

Most importantly, because of the small dimensions of the Gaga “pit”, children barely have to run, saving their energy for litigating their way back into each game claiming never to have been hit.   Some camps such as CHL have implemented a one challenge per game per camper limit because a game that would normally last two to three minutes could last several days while campers argue their cases.

CHL Director Marty Feldstein believes Gaga is a great sport but is leery of introducing it to the secular world.  “This is the perfect game for Jewish kids.  I’ve seen our kids play the game with some of the local town folk.  We usually kill them the first couple games, but once they learn how to play, they embarrass us.  The same thing happened with basketball in the 1940’s.  Jews owned the sport.  Now we’re lucky if we can make a high school JV team.  Do we want this to happen with Gaga?  No way.”

NBA Commissioner David Stern, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, MLB commissioner Bud Selig, and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban are among several high profile sports figures that have formed a secret committee to ensure that Gaga is not overtaken by gentile and inner city children.  “Project Our Sport” has been created to ensure a generations-long Jewish stronghold on Gaga.  David Stern, speaking on behalf of Protect Our Sport exclaimed, “No longer are we going to be the leaders in Accountancy, Wholesale, Law, Medicine and Talent Representation.  We’re not proud of this. These are professions we were forced into due to our lack of athletic ability!  Now and in the future, we will make our mark on the world in a more impactful way.  Gaga will be OURS!!!”