Thompson, PA (June 8, 2012) – On an unseasonably cool and
damp June afternoon, rookie campers
experienced a slice of what they have to look forward to all summer as their
mothers compared and contrasted packing lists and hygienic products. Young semetic boys and girls played
basketball and kickball as well as partook in lanyard making sessions.
While the children were reveling in their new summer home,
parents were taken on a tour of the sprawling grounds of Camp Huron Lake, a
camp comprised of mostly Jewish youth from well-off but not extravagantly
wealthy families. As mothers began to
huddle during the walk, conversation quickly switched to how excited they were
for their children to what they’d be packing for the summer.
“I was having a great time until I ran into Cynthia Rust,”
explained Lauren Blustein of New Jersey. “I was packing four tooth brushes for my son
but after talking to her, I don’t think that’s enough. She’s packing ten and sending up one with
every letter she writes plus a gross of toothbrushes on Visiting Day. I have to get to CVS on the way home. Shit! DOES ANYONE KNOW IF THERE’S A CVS IN
SCRANTON???”
Mrs. Rust, also from New Jersey, defended her actions. “If Jake’s toothbrush touches another
toothbrush, that’s not one of his, it gets thrown away. If it touches the sink, ground, a towel,
someone’s soap, another camper, any piece of hair, attached to someone’s head
or on the sink, any clothing, he’s breaking out a new Oral-B. If the brush touches a tooth with chocolate
on it, if it’s used to get something out between two teeth, if it’s used to
clean his teeth, it gets tossed. Fuck
it. Why don’t we just get him disposable
toothbrushes? That’s a great idea! 51 days times 3 brushes a day times 2 for
each brushing in case anything happens.
That’s a lot of toothbrushes to pack.
I guess he’ll only bring 30 pairs of underwear instead of 45.”
When asked about his oral hygiene, new camper Matthew Blustein
offered, “I have to bring a toothbrush?
Oh, man. I thought I was getting
a break from that for the summer. Oh
well, at least my parents won’t be yelling at me to brush.”
As the girls and boys enjoyed hamburgers and hot dogs and
ice cream sandwiches, nervous mothers of boys were too frazzled to eat. One
mother, Stephanie Wolfson also from New Jersey, foolishly mentioned that her son
was going to bring Axe roll-on deodorant. That set off another angst-filled frenzy
among the mothers. Axe, the number one
selling male hygiene product on Staten Island, is also apparently a favorite
among the coveted 8-9 year old male Jewish demographic. “When my son goes to a social, I want to make
sure those little princesses can smell him coming from a mile away,” explained Wolfson. When asked why a 9 year old
has the need for deodorant Rust offered a simple explanation. “In the off chance that my son sprouts a
single hair under his arm in the seven weeks he’s away, I want to make sure
that hair doesn’t stink up the entire bunk.”
The conversation quickly veered toward the amount of socks
being packed by one mother, Erin Levy.
“Twenty pairs of socks? That’s all
you’re bringing??” exclaimed the serial over-packer “I’m sending around sixty. I lost track after packing Alex’s Day 3 Color War afternoon yellow ankle-length
socks.”
Parents of girl campers were not immune to the over-zealous
packing of others. Maureen Hoffman of New
Jersey who is planning to get to the Sunday bag drop off at the Livingston Mall
the Friday night before just to make sure her daughter’s monogrammed duffle
bags get safely on the truck, was concerned about some of the mothers packing items
typically not needed for nine year old girls.
“I overheard one mother of a seven-year old saying she accidentally
allowed her daughter to drink non-organic milk at a family graduation party
when she was three so she’s sending up a few of her old pre-Lulu Lemon sports
bras just in case. What the hell is
wrong with these people?!?!”
Cynthia Rust chimed in. “Although as a third-grader, my son
is still at the stage where he ‘hates’ girls, I’m sending him up with a few
bras too in case he dates an older camper whose mother didn’t think to pack one
for her.”
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