6 Oreos Now Worth 4 Days of Bedmaking, 3 days of Bunk Sweep

Up from 2 days of Outside Lines, 1 day Bathroom in 2012

Huron, Pa (Aug 7) – Proving that nothing is immune to the downtrodden US economy, Camp Huron Lake is reporting massive inflation in the camp equivalent of Oreos, Archie Comics, and other camp staples.  Oreos and other cookies and crackers have spiked in bartering price over the past three weeks to record highs. Camps up and down the east coast have all been reporting widespread inflation and it only expected to get worse as the second half of the summer begins. 

Because of scarcity of tasty snacks smuggled into boys’ bunks and dwindling supply and freshness, last year’s dustpan duty is no longer the trade for three Triscuits.  This year campers are shelling out two days of Dustpan duty and trading their day off for Bunk Sweep. 

Wall Street analysts are puzzled by the dizzying heights reached in the value of sugary snacks.  US Fed Economist William Reardon explains, “I’ve never seen anything like this before.  The only thing I can honestly equate this to is when San Quinten Penitentiary barter system went haywire in the spring of 2007.  It started as two cigarettes for a blow job and as stagflation reared its ugly head, only weeks later the same two cigarettes were worth a blow job and a rim job.  Eventually demand weakened and the price settled on a bj, a hand job, and a razor-edged toothbrush.”

Senior Boy camper Jon “Leiby” Leibowitz who has been supplying most of boys’ side with Hydrox cookies, a kosher equivalent of Oreos, for the past five summers, has been enjoying a fantastic chore-free summer.  “This has been the best summer since 2010 when I cornered the market on powdered Gatorade.  I haven’t had to lift a broom or clean a sink all year.  Kids know that Leiby has the best stuff.  I have Chip Clips on all my packages to ensure quality and freshness all summer long.”

Archie Comics, entertaining campers for over 70 years, have become as valuable as two kilos of cocaine this summer.  Although these “comics” have never made a child or young adult laugh, they nonetheless are a late night staple for campers and counselors on OD.  19 year-old counselor Aaron Schwartz of Bunk 17 recently traded a Sports Illustrated and an OD sandwich (baloney on white bread) for a copy of Archie’s Digest from 2010.  “I was hoping not to give up my sandwich but I’d rather be hungry than bored.  The gang at Ridgedale High is really entertaining in a non-funny way.  Love that Moose!” said Schwartz, dressed in his best Abercrombie sweatshirt hoping one of the female counselors would stop by. 

As the summer nears its conclusion, economist Reardon believes that suppliers such as Leiby will be giving away their stashes right after the Color War peak where campers demand extra energy for all day sporting events.  “I think last year two days before we went home I traded a snack size Milky Way for an Under Armor sweatshirt.  Not the best deal for me but, hey, these kids will be home soon and realize that this crap costs about $1.25,” an honest Leiby explained.